Am I too weird? Should I try to be more social? Every day of the week I am by myself, except for Wednesday. On Wednesday my husband and I have a “date day”. We usually go out for one meal, breakfast or lunch, and then take a hike. It is often the only day of the entire week, I leave the ranch.
I wake up around 5:00 AM, have a “quiet time” reading, journaling, and meditating in all or some combination of the three. Around 7:00 AM I watch a little TV with my husband. I then feed animals no later than 9:00 (my dog, 2 barn cats, 1 sheep, 2 ponies, 4 horses, 4 chickens, and a duck). Next I have breakfast, do a little house work and then I am out the door. The rest of the day consists of caring for the animals, playing with or riding the horses, taking care of the native plants we planted, and doing readings for clients. Around 5:00PM, I feed animals again, co-make dinner with my hubby, shower, relax, and then watch a little TV, again, with my hubby.
There is a steady rhythm and quiet focus of my senses throughout the day. When I took ballet I felt the music of the waltz was my natural rhythm. My day on the ranch feels like the steady sway of a waltz’s rhythm. I notice the presence and songs of the birds, the lizards cocking their heads to look me in the eye, the wind tossing leaves from the trees that sound like rain drops when they hit the ground. Then there are the silent conversations between the animals in my care and myself. “Did you bring me something to eat?” “Scratch me here, please.” “Give me all the attention! Not her!” “Just hang out with us.”
Recently, my husband was gone for 4 days. When he returned I was ready for some company and also to get off the ranch. I am not a total recluse. Right? Plus, since our kids and grandkids all live out of town, when we see them it is intensive time together at the ranch or their homes. In addition, I visit my elderly mother in San Diego every few months. Perhaps I need large amounts of time to counter the spurts of continuous time with family (?).
I recently took a couple of mediumship classes where we practiced readings with other students. In the last session, the student I partnered with shared a message from my father. “I hear him say ‘You Be You’ ”. A week or two later, I signed up for a practice session with a woman who was originally from Sweden. Again, my father visited. This time the message delivered was “You Stay You”. Almost exactly the same words. I am listening, Dad!
While I occasionally ponder the above question as to whether I am weird, I do take heart in the message from my dad. When others wonder why I am not excited about a trip to Reno, on a train, with 22 other people, staying in a motel, going out to eat, going sightseeing, I remind myself to be me. It is OK. It is who I am, at least for now. I am open to feeling differently than I feel now, but I know this is me as of today.
The following quote from the book “Women Who Run With the Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes offers further encouragement as to the value of alone time:
“...the ability to see what is before us through focusing, through stopping and looking and smelling and listening and feeling and tasting. Focusing is using all our senses, including intuition. It is into this world that women come in order to claim their own voices, their own values, their imaginations, their clairvoyance, their clear-seeing, their stories, and the ancient memories of women. And these are the work of focus and creation. If you’ve lost focus, just sit down and be still.”
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